Maybe she wouldn't be gone
by WhitlockWoman
Summary: Jasper's lost and looking for his girl. Is it too late? Jasper/Bella. Sort of song fic but it's really more a short story that has a song in it. First fan fic. Rating for language.


A/N This is my first fan fic. It's a song fic but the song is really just providing the theme. There's way more story than lyrics. The song is "She wouldn't be gone" by Blake Shelton.

JPOV

The clock on the dash read 6:15 as I turned the corner on to our street. Perfect timing. I smiled thinking about the delicious dinner and woman waiting for me at home. I was thrown off when I pulled in to the driveway and noticed Bella's old beast of a truck missing. She knew I'd be home a little after six, where would she have gone? She really shouldn't have been driving it around at all. She'd mentioned earlier in the week that it was running worse than usual and that the oil was leaking badly. I'd told her I'd take a look, but I hadn't gotten around to it yet. I knew she was frustrated not having wheels of her own, but she wouldn't be stubborn enough to drive it around anyway would she? No, she knows that would worry me. Must be she took it up to Rose's garage. Damn I feel like a jackass that she had to take it to get fixed. Even if it was to my sister's place. I'd make it up to her tonight.

I walked in the door and knew right off she wasn't there. No smells from the kitchen. No sound from the TV or stereo. The place felt wrong. I felt my hackles rise. Bella would have called or texted me if she wasn't going to be home. I walked in through the hall in to the living room. Everything seemed to be in place. Something seemed off though. I didn't have time to think about it as I made my way in to the bedroom. What I saw stopped me dead in my tracks.

The closet door was ajar and I saw right away that the only clothes hanging there were my own. The small jewelry box that held the few pieces of jewelry she had was missing off the dresser, as were the pictures she had stuck around the mirror. My heart stopped for two beats, then started pounding hard and fast.

No…she wouldn't. She couldn't.

Fear gripped my chest as I flew back in to the living room and looked around again. Upon better inspection I noticed one of the pictures from the mantle was missing, the one of us in front of the bar opening night. The afghan her grandma crocheted wasn't sitting on the back of the couch either. As the reality of the situation finally set in I felt my knees give out. This wasn't happening.

As I tried to catch my breath and form a coherent thought, I noticed for the first time a piece of paper taped to the TV. On shaky legs I walked over and pulled it off, knowing what it was going to say, but praying I was wrong. I hesitated before reading it, knowing once I did it would all be real. But I had to look. Maybe she had just run to the store after all. I knew it wasn't true, but I had to hold out hope. I focused my eyes on the paper in my hand and as the words sunk in I felt my heart crack. No.

Jasper,

I can't do it anymore. I tried, I really did.

It just hurts too much. I don't want to wait around

Until the loves dies and all that's left is bitterness.

We may not be perfect, but we're better than that.

I'll love you always Jazz….forever. But I guess

Sometimes it just isn't enough. Take care of you for me.

-Bella

I stared at the note, with unseeing eyes for what could have been a minute or an hour. It didn't seem I could function. My mind was in a whirlwind and the harder I tried to stop it, the faster the thoughts raged, and then like a string pulled too tight something snapped. Everything stopped and my mind, my body, my soul, the very blood flowing through my veins all screamed out one thing and one thing only, find Bella. The next thing I knew I was in my truck, putting the key in the ignition, putting the truck in gear and backing out of the driveway. I headed west without a conscious thought to do so. My mind didn't know what I was doing yet, but apparently my body did. I hoped it was right because, I needed my girl, no make that my life back.

Red roadside wild flower,  
if I'd only picked you,  
took you home and set you on the counter,  
oh at least a time or two,  
maybe she'd have thought it through.  
Yellow sunset dippin in the rearview,  
oh how she loved to sit and watch you,  
I could have done that a whole lot more.

As I tore down the road destination unknown, a flash of red caught my eye at the side of the road. Once again my body functioned before my brain and it wasn't until I'd pulled over and made my way to the other side of my truck that I realized why I'd stopped. I picked one of the red wild flowers, and was instantly transported to the first time I'd taken Bella out as "my girl". I was on the way to pick her up and although I wasn't a romantic guy, and I'd never, ever thought of getting a girl flowers before, I'd seen a smattering of color on the side of the road and something stopped me and I picked her one red flower, my favorite color on her.

It seemed like a good idea, and I was patting myself on the back the rest of the drive to her place. Once I was out of the car, holding the one rinky dink little flower, my nerves kicked in and I felt like an idiot. Who the hell shows up with one little wild flower? Hell it could really be a weed for all I know. I was just about to toss it over the side of the porch, cursing myself for being so stupid, when the door opened and my girl smiled at me. I was immediately dazzled, just like always. Then she spotted my meager little offering and if possible her smile got even bigger and brighter. She blushed as she took it from me, and held it to her face. I wasn't sure if it was to smell it or feel the petal on her face. In that moment as she closed he eyes and then fluttered them open and looked up at me with pink checks and a shy smile. I was enchanted. I took the flower from her hand and tucked it behind her ear. Her cheeks flamed almost as red as the flower itself when I ran my fingers along her jaw line and tilted her bowed head up to look at me. I told her it was almost as beautiful as her. She rolled her eyes at me like I was full of it, but she ducked her head again and I just smiled at her. My Bella never could take a compliment.

I brought her a red wildflower a few times after that and every time I would get the same radiant smile and bashful reaction. You'd have thought I brought her a dozen long stemmed roses, not a probable roadside weed. But that was my girl. Even though my heart, felt shattered I couldn't help the sad smile that crept across my face at the memory of her happiness. Maybe if I'd have remembered how happy they made her sooner and brought one home a time or two, maybe she'd have given it a little more thought before walking away.

I took the little red flower and climbed back in my truck. I laid it on the passenger seat, holding the place of the girl who should be sitting there smiling at me with it tucked behind her ear, and headed to the place my mind now knew my heart was taking me all along. The site of that first date. First beach.

I pulled in to the parking lot and my heart sank when I didn't see her truck in the lot. But I didn't give up hope. This was a special spot for us and one of her favorite thinking spots. Even though she spent most her childhood in Phoenix, she had a love of the ocean. She always said it soothed her soul.

I walked down to the shore line, past the fire pit we'd sat at so many times with friends, laughing and living it up. I walked out to the piece of driftwood that we always sat on but I felt too restless to take solace in the usually calming effects of sitting there watching the waves. I stalked down the beach a little further and when I knew there was no way she'd have gone that far, I turned around and headed back to my car. With every step my heart felt a little heavier. What if I couldn't find her? I rejected that thought as a shiver went down my spine and feeling like a fool I ripped my cell out of my pocket and called her cell. What the hell was wrong with me?! Why hadn't I done this, thirty minutes ago, when my heart first stopped? Oh that's right because my mind stopped working at that moment too.

I quickly hit speed dial 1 and as my feet propelled me faster towards the parking lot and my truck, in anticipation of going to where ever she told me she was, as fast as humanly possible, my steps faltered and I let out a curse as her voicemail picked up. I guess it was no surprise that she wasn't answering really, but I'd gotten my hopes up. I'd just opened the door as her message played. God I missed her so much, even hearing her voice was a bittersweet balm on my soul. "Hey this is Bella, I can't take your call right now but leave me a message and I'll get back to you soon. Jazzy if this is you I love you."

My heart stuttered and the fist that had a strangle hold on my throat tightened its grip. I never thought hearing those words from her would ever hurt me. God I hated myself. How could I have fucked up so bad? Her damn voicemail message was practically a freaking love note to me and I'd broken her enough to make her leave. I was pretty sure if I wasn't already there, there was a special place waiting in hell for me. Bella and I usually weren't mushy people, we demonstrated our love in a more physical way, and no I don't just mean sex. We just weren't wordy with our love, we communicated on a different level with actions and touches. So the message was a little out of character if you looked at it from that side, but the reason behind it was so Bella.

A couple months back I'd been having a really bad day and I called her because that's what I always do when I need…well really when I need anything. To laugh, to vent, to cheer up, because I once again forgot the name of the Chinese place I like to order lunch from and I never just programmed the number in to my phone like Bella had told me to do a million times. Whatever I needed I called her. Well that day I'd just needed to hear her voice and that she loved me. When I got her voicemail I left a message telling her as much. When I got a text from her two hours later asking that I call her, I thought it odd she didn't just call me, but I did as she requested. I actually got annoyed when her voicemail picked up again, wondering what the hell she was doing. Then I heard the whole message and I couldn't wipe the smile from my face. Two minutes later when my phone rang I answered it "I love you too." She laughed and my heart swelled but not nearly as much as it did when I told her thanks and she could go ahead and erase it now, and she replied back that she was leaving it just how it was because she never wanted there to be a time again that I needed to hear it and wasn't able to. And so the messaged stayed, and she took the ribbing from our friends, and the lecture from her agent about it not being professional and politely told all of them to shove it.

I threw the phone in to the cab with a roar of what might have been fuck, and slammed the door as I got in. I screeched out of the lot and took off, again not knowing where I was headed just knowing my destination was Bella. I flicked my eyes to the rearview mirror and took a second to see the sunset, even if I couldn't appreciate it at the moment. Another reminder of that first date and the many times we'd sat and watched it since. But not enough times recently. Bella loved to just sit and watch, but I never had the time anymore, and when I did have the time it wasn't something that was a priority. Maybe if I'd brought her here more often. Maybe if I'd kept a blanket in this truck like I had in the last, for just in case, maybe then I'd be sitting at home having dinner, snuggling my girl watching the damn Food Network, because it makes her happy, and I do reap the rewards of her efforts in the kitchen. Maybe just one more sunset and she'd have paused for just a minute more before walking away. Maybe.

If I hadn't been so stubborn,  
been so selfish,  
thought about her more,  
thought about me less.  
Joked to make her happy,  
held her when she cried,  
a little more of that, maybe I...

As I drove aimlessly around town looking for any sign of her, I thought about the woman I loved. And all the ways I'd taken her for granted, because make no mistake that's exactly what I'd done. Unfortunately that's just the kind of person Bella is, the kind that deserves it the least but gets it the most. Everyone in her life has taken her for granted and the worst part was I at one time or another hated each and every one of them for it. Hypocrite much? She was just so damn caring and nurturing and selfless. Fiercely independent and loyal to a fault. Most of her happiness came from making sure the people she loved were happy. She almost never asked for anything, but was willing to give almost anything to anyone of "her people" as she called us. I had been so damn selfish for so much of our relationship.

The bar that I'd dreamed of having that I'd bought with my brother-in-law and best friend Emmett, had been up and running for a little over two years. We'd opened it almost three years ahead of schedule, due to the small inheritance Rose and I had received from our grandfather's estate. So at the ripe old ages of twenty one and twenty two Emmett and I became business partners. We'd both already finished our Associates degrees in business from the community college in Port Angeles and had been working at a bar there for the past two years. The girls were in Seattle in their last year at UW. It had been hard doing the long distance thing but the end was in sight and it seemed like our five year plan had been fast tracked. Bella logged more miles traveling back and forth that year than all three years prior put together. Even though she was in what most people consider the hardest year of college she came home almost every weekend to help with getting the bar set up and then working it when we couldn't afford to hire as much help as we'd like.

Rose came almost as often, but she was splitting her time between the bar and wedding planning with Alice. Bella was helping with that too actually. Alice and Edward, so really Alice, were planning the wedding to top all weddings according to the bride herself. That didn't surprise any of us. Neither did the fact that Rose was now living vicariously through Alice, because she'd passed up her chance at the fairytale when she and Emmett eloped to Vegas the summer before she headed to college. Now that was a surprise to say the least. Not the part about them getting married that was a fore gone conclusion. They'd been dating since freshman year, with only one three day break-up. No the surprising part was the date and location. Everyone thought it'd be after college and be the typical Cinderella shindig. Most speculated there was a pregnancy scare involved but only the two of them knew for sure. Not that it really mattered anyway.

So Bella practically killed herself that whole year, helping me with my dream and Alice with hers all while trying to maintain her grades and scholarship and graduate with honors, and of course my girl managed to do it too. I know I'd thanked her a million times, but I wonder if my actions didn't negate my words. Because as soon as the bar started turning a decent profit and running smoothly about nine months ago, I'd started focusing on my second dream, music. I was in a band with a couple guys and although we mostly played at my bar, we'd booked a few other gigs and spent a lot of time practicing at our drummers place. As usual Bella took it all in stride. Or maybe I just liked to believe she did.

I didn't pay attention to her the way I should. Looking back now I realize I didn't take the time out of my day just to make her smile anymore. I didn't spend an hour planning a way to make her laugh for a minute. I'd held her when her first rejection letter came for her book and she cried in my arms. Even though she knew it was a long shot the sting of rejection is never easy. I took her for ice cream when the second one came. I told her not to worry about it when the third one arrived. I don't know how many others came, she never told me about them. I wonder now if she just cried about them alone. I'd started the band around that time, and I assumed after the first few they wouldn't bother her anymore. Or at least that's what I told myself then, so I wouldn't feel bad about not being there for her. But I know my Bella and I'm sure her low self esteem and sensitive heart caused her to feel hurt by every single letter. But I wasn't there for her. Maybe if we'd laughed a few more times, maybe if I'd brought her home Ben and Jerry's and cursed the poor taste of every publisher that didn't recognize her genius. Maybe if I'd just been there to wipe her tears. Maybe then she would have had a reason not to go.

Wouldn't be drivin like hell,  
flyin like crazy down the highway,  
callin everyone we know,  
stoppin any place she might be,  
goin anywhere she might go.  
Beatin on the dash,  
screamin out her name at the windshield,  
tears soakin up my face.  
If I'd have loved her this much all along,  
maybe, maybe, yeah maybe,  
she wouldn't be gone.

I started making phone calls after I drove past Rosalie and Jacob's garage. It jogged my memory and brought back thoughts of her truck and how it wasn't at home, but last I'd heard it wasn't in a safe driving condition either. If I just knew where that truck was I would be one step closer to getting my soul back. Rose picked up almost before the first ring. "Took you long enough asshole." The venom in her voice was typical pissed off Rose, but what surprised me was that she obviously knew what was going on, but hadn't even called to warn me, to help me stop this from happening. I knew Rosalie often times loved Bella more than me, after Rose got over her bitchy self they'd become fast friends and sisters in every way. But I still didn't understand even if she was pissed at me, surely she would have done something to stop Bella from leaving. She had to know that Bella was better off at home with us. With me. I was immediately pissed off and wanted nothing more than to throttle my sister and lay all the blame for this situation at her feet.

"What the fuck Rose?!" Where. Is. Bella?" I growled at her.

"Don't you dare talk to me that way Jasper Whitlock. Where she's at is none of your concern." Pure acid came at me through my sister's voice, but I hardly cared about the tone. I was too busy trying to keep my teeth from shattering considering how hard my jaw was clenched.

Who the fuck did she think she was?! If there was one thing on earth that was always my concern it was Bella.

"Tell me where she is now." I hissed at her in a voice more fit for hell than earth. If she wasn't my sister I'd be threatening bodily injury right about now.

"Fuck you Jasper, you son of a…"

I heard a scuffle then and the sound of flesh meeting fist, followed by a few low and a few not so low curses.

"Ow, shit Rosie baby, calm down. You there J man?" Emmett came on the line.

"Where the fuck is Bella Emmett?" I tried not to sound too hostile but I really couldn't deal with this much longer. If they knew where she was, they needed to start talking.

"I don't know man. Rose might know, but she won't say shit about it. Says I can't keep a secret and I'm friends with the enemy." He sounded a little put out and amused by his wife's assessment of him. If I wasn't so pissed I would have agreed with her. But seeing as how, I am apparently 'the enemy' I wasn't inclined to do so right then.

"Do you know where her truck is?" I decided to switch tactics. Maybe they didn't realize this was crucial information that shouldn't land in enemy hands.

He was clearly thrown by my question. Good an enemy off balance is always a plus.

"Umm...I'm guessing with her man. She was driving it around all day yesterday."

WTF?! Why was Bella driving around in her more broke down than usual death trap? I had to find her. What if she was stranded somewhere? What if she'd had an accident? I was beginning to panic.

"Are you sure Emmett? Her truck was messed up; she wasn't supposed to be driving it at all. Please, tell Rosalie this isn't just about her hating me, I need to know Bella is safe. What if she's in trouble?" I know my worry was evident in my voice.

Emmett thought of Bella as a kid sister and he would get her location out of Rose if it was about her safety. This wasn't even a ploy on my part I was seriously concerned. I love my girl with every fiber of my being, but she is a danger magnet for sure. I heard Emmett relaying information with Rose, but the mouthpiece of the phone was clearly being covered because I couldn't make out any actual words.

My sister's ice queen voice came through the line. "If you were so worried about _your girl_." She sneered. "Then you would already know that I fixed her truck three days ago, because her _boyfriend _couldn't be bothered, even though he'd said he'd get to it over a week ago."

Was it really that long? I swore it was just the other day that she'd told me about the troubles. But I knew it was true. Bella only took the truck to Rose and Jacob's as a last resort because they never let her pay for anything other than parts, and that was only if it was a big job. She hated them working for free, so she avoided it like the plague. Either I'd let her down to the point she had no faith in me at all, or she'd just been that anxious to get away from me. The truth was probably a little of both and that just about killed me. I'd never felt more self loathing than at that very moment. I broke. Again.

"Please Rose." I didn't even know what I was pleading for anymore. Bella's location, Rose's understanding, to know Bella was ok. I just didn't know.

Her voice went from frigid to just icy when she responded. "I don't know where she is Jazz. She didn't want to put me in the position of having to keep it from you. Even though I would have. I do know that as of a couple hours ago she was ok." She sighed then.

"You really fucked up Jasper. I don't know if you can fix it, but even if you don't believe it now, I truly hope you can. Bella loves you and she deserves to have the man she loves, if he can learn to treat her right again."

I didn't know what to say but I felt like I needed to tell her I knew I fucked up. I wanted someone to know I wasn't a complete idiot. Even though I was. "Rose…"

"No Jasper." She cut me off quick. "You are my brother and I love you. Even if I want to rip your balls of and shove them down your throat right now." Gotta love my demure sister.

"But Bella is my friend. Hell she's my sister, and she really would be if you would get your shit together. Right now she's the one who's been wronged and I'm on her side. Whatever she needs from me she's going to get. End of discussion."

I wanted to argue with her, but what was there to say. She'd told me all she could. Bella's truck was a safe as it ever was and as far as she knew Bella was ok. At least it was more than I started with; even if it was way less than I was hoping for. I hung up then because I didn't know what to say and she was clearly done with me.

I started making other calls then. First up was Alice, who only answered the phone long enough to say "Sorry Jazzy." In a sad voice and hang up on me. Angela, her agent Maureen, Jacob who had a few choice words for me and a threat of injury if I made her more upset, I even called people she rarely if ever spoke to anymore. Including the damn gossip queen Jessica Stanley. That one had been tough and I knew Bella just might kill me when whatever story Jessica was going to make up got around town. I even called that piece of crap Mike Newton. If Bella had took off camping or something she may have stopped by his store. He didn't even pretend to hide his gloating over what he assumed was our break up or at the very least domestic issue. He was positively giddy. I was able to refrain from a verbal altercation, but when he practically told me he was going to go after her, I couldn't keep the death out of my voice. I'd slice his throat and bleed him dry first. Not that Bella would ever go there. It was just the principle of the matter. He'd been trying for six years. Give it up already. I'd barely tolerated it in high school because we all had so much fun making fun of his feeble attempts and we even enjoyed Bella's obvious frustration and embarrassment over the situation. But if he tried to start the full court press again, I couldn't guarantee his safety. Especially not now.

I'd run out of friends to call, so all I could think about was where to go from there and what Rose had said. Maybe if I'd took the time to fix her car. Maybe if I'd even realized it had been so long since she asked. Maybe if I'd treated her like she deserved to be treated by the man she loved. Maybe then she would know where home was.

She warned me it was comin,  
said if I didn't change she'd be leavin.  
I just didn't believe  
she'd ever really walk out.  
God I believe her now.  
Called her momma,  
cried like a baby to her best friend,  
if they've seen her they ain't sayin,  
they ain't sayin.  
Now I'm cursin like a fool,  
prayin it ain't too late,  
all I wanna do is fix my mistakes.  
Find her, beg her, for one more try,  
until then damnit I'll...

As a drove along I thought about everything. For a minute I got pissed at Bella. If she just could have told me something was wrong. If she wasn't so content to suffer in silence. How was walking away going to solve anything. Couldn't she have given me a heads up? But when I thought about it she had. I just didn't listen. It started three or four months ago. Hell maybe it was longer, I've already demonstrated I've been walking around not paying attention only caring about myself. But the first time I remember was when she'd handed me a magazine and showed me her latest short story had been published. I gave her a big hug and asked why she hadn't told me when she found out. Her face fell and looked so full of sorrow before turning to steel. "I did tell you Jasper. Maybe if what I said meant anything to you, you would have remembered." I felt like shit but went on the defensive.

"Bella that's a little harsh don't you think. Do you remember every little thing I say? Are you sure you even told me"

"Don't pull that shit with me Jasper. I told you I know I told you. But you know what it doesn't really matter, I'm sure you have more important things to think about other than my stupid little story. After all it's not about you is it?" Bella does angry sarcasm like nobody's business.

But before I could say anything she continued in a much sadder and not even a little sarcastic voice. "Don't worry, maybe one day I'll be gone and then you won't have to worry about remembering silly little things about my life."

I gave her an exasperated look and tugged on her arm to pull her closer to me for a kiss, she turned her head though and that pissed me off. "Don't be ridiculous Bella" I'd scolded.

She pulled away and gave me another hurt look and mumbled something as she walked away. I'd let it go. I assumed she was just having a bad day. Bella didn't usually pull 'girl moves' like that, so I decided to let it slide so as not to have a fight. God I was an asshole.

She didn't come to bed that night, but when I peaked in to her office she was busy typing away, so I assumed that her muse had visited and that's what kept her away. Maybe I should have thought different.

There were a few other times now that I look back on it. Like once when I forgot to call and tell her I wasn't going to be home for dinner. It had happened a few other times and I knew she was going to be pissed. I came home with a silly pouty face and a quick apology, but she wasn't pissed like I thought. I was confused because unlike every other time, she didn't say that my dinner was in the oven. Or tell me that I was inconsiderate or a jerk. She didn't even yell. She just said there were some leftovers in the fridge. Then she said something along the lines of maybe one day there would be no dinner waiting, and if that wasn't enough maybe she just wouldn't be waiting either. She seemed so resigned and let down. I just didn't see it then. I thought she just found a new way to show her anger. But I guess she was just giving me a preview of coming attractions, because that's just what happened to me tonight. No dinner and no Bella waiting for me.

I felt my chest tighten just thinking about the empty places in our home. The missing pieces. The only piece that mattered. Her. The girl who had been my life since she owned me in our first game of pool and then let me kiss her after I acted like an ass because she beat me. The truth was even though I heard the warnings I didn't think they were real. Me without Bella just wasn't something I could even try to comprehend. It was like her telling me the sky might turn green if I didn't start picking my socks up. Totally preposterous. It wasn't even me being cocky. It's not like I'd ever be able to leave her either. I just thought of us as a unit. It would be like my left arm telling me if I kept sleeping on it funny it just might detach itself and take off for Hawaii. Not gonna happen.

Isabella Swan had walked in to my life in the parking lot of Forks High the morning of the third day of my junior year. It was raining and we all stayed outside getting soaked just to get a glimpse of the new girl. Even a 'bad boy' like me wasn't immune to the thrill of a new student. Especially one that could very well turn out to be grade A fresh meat. She'd pulled up in her dinosaur, belching smoke and announced her arrival with backfire and the squeak of a rusted door. Her hood was up and you could almost hear the collective groan as we all realized we wouldn't be catching a good glimpse of her right then. Most moved on, the diehard gossips stuck around. I had a cigarette to finish so I moved against the building so the overhang could help keep me dry. I watched her hooded figure make its way toward the office. Her coat was three sizes to big it seemed so I had no clue about her body. Her legs seemed nice enough, but the coat came down to her knees almost. I couldn't even see the color of her hair. I walked to my first class knowing three things about Isabella Swan. The first was that she was about 5'5" which was a decent height, second she drove a rusting relic, which was going to drive Rose insane and third she was wearing what appeared to be her father's coat, which most likely meant fashion wasn't high on her list of priorities, which was going to drive Alice positively crazy. I chuckled my way to class.

Of course by lunch time that first day Alice had cornered the poor girl and practically dragged her to our table. That was when I found out that Bella was actually pretty damn beautiful, her body was something I'd like to see a lot more of, and she blushed a lot. She also didn't take any of my normal crap, and I couldn't decide if that pissed me off or made me smile. Bella was a fixture in our group from that day on.

Our four friends made bets that day concerning us. Alice and surprisingly Emmett won. They said we were going to fall head over heels. Alice won the bonus pot because she was closest on the time table. Edward had no faith or too much faith, depending how you look at it in me and bet I would pull a 'pump and dump' as soon as our little verbal sparring got too boring. Rosalie wasn't sure how she felt about Bella yet, but figured she was a scared little virgin and wouldn't give it up to the town's lone bad boy, ever since Ali finally took Edward off the market.

I later found out it took Bella one week to decide she was going to have me, a bold thought for a shy virgin, and a month and a half to decide she was in love with me, and that she would wait patiently for me to figure out that I was in love with her too. I'm ashamed to admit that my time table was a little more skewed towards Edward's original bet. What can I say? I was a seventeen year old guy. It took me one lunch period to decide I was going to have her. One month to question my seduction skills for the first time since I'd had sex. Three months to fall in love, and six months to admit to myself that she'd owned me body, heart and soul for over three months. We'd never even had a small break up. We'd fought and hurt each other a few times, but we'd been together since that pool game. The night I'd asked her to be my girlfriend. At the time I thought it was because she was cool. Three months later I admitted the truth to her and myself. I never once doubted our love once it was declared. I didn't even question it now, as I sat in the parking lot where she stepped in to my life over six years ago.

I called her mom then. Maybe it was thinking about the beginning that made me do it. It could have just been desperation. I hadn't looked at the clock before I dialed and was relieved when I glanced at the dash and it was only a little after nine. Kind of late but not too late. Renee and I had an interesting relationship. I resented her for making Bella halfway raise herself. I resented her for taking Bella for granted. Yes, yes I know…pot, kettle, black. But it's the truth. Other than that I thought she was a really cool person. Such a free spirit. It always made me smile on the rare occasion Bella showed that she was in fact her mother's daughter. Renee loved me to death. She could chat with me for hours on end when she came to visit. Renee's only problem with me was that I had met and fell in love with her daughter ten years too soon for her taste. Her teenage love story had left a bitter taste in her mouth and she couldn't handle seeing Bella walk in her footsteps. It was a battle lost before it had begun, so Bella chose not to fight it. The only way to prove her mother wrong was to keep on, keeping on.

She answered on the third ring and after talking to her for about ten minutes, making up quick lies as I went, I still wasn't sure if she even knew Bella had left me, let alone know where she was. That's the thing about perpetually flighty people, it's hard to tell when there being purposely deceptive and when they just flat out don't have a clue. Whatever the case may be for now she wasn't any help.

As I hung up with her, I looked up and realized what street I was on. I guess my body got me where I needed to go, while my mind was too busy again. Edward answered the door and took in my sad appearance. He gave me a sympathetic look, but stood in the door way, not letting me through.

"I can't let you take this out on her Jazz." He told me firmly but with no malice.

I understood. I would have done the same to protect Bella.

"I'm not here to fight man; I just need to talk to her. I'm not bringing a fight with me, I swear." I told him truthfully.

By then I saw her little black haired head trying to get a peek at me over her husband's shoulder. I'd bet the little pixie was up on her tip toes and still her eyes didn't clear his shoulder without adding a little hop. Any other day I'd crack a joke and we'd laugh with each other. But tonight I just watched as Edward turned his head and got the ok from his wife to let me in.

We sat on the couch in the living room where we'd spent so many nights, playing games, watching movies, just catching up with each other. We all took turns, but Alice loved playing hostess so much of our time together as friends was spent at their place. We were all happy with that arrangement. I couldn't help but remember the last time we were all in that same room together. Edward and Alice were on the couch, as usual. Little Miss Pixie has to move around too much for them to sit anywhere more confined than that. Emmett and Rose had the love seat and Rose was sitting against the armrest with her legs thrown across Emmett's lap and I was sitting in the plush chair with Bella perched comfortably on my lap. Alice had bullied us all in to playing a rousing game of Truth or Dare. For old times' sake she'd claimed. I don't remember everything that night, but I do remember Emmett having green streaks in his hair or the next two weeks. Alice still swears she just _happened_ to have the dye lying around from a Halloween costume that didn't happen. Uh huh. But the best part of the night was when Bella had to admit that we'd had sex in the car on our way to Prom. Bella's cheeks were fire engine red by the time the teasing ended. I got high fives from the guys. Apparently I'm the only one who got lucky before and after. I guess the other girls were too worried about their hair and dresses. Damn I love my girl.

I felt a little hand squeeze my leg and looked up at a sad faced Alice. I realized I must have zoned out. I shook myself to clear my head and started to speak. Alice cut me off though.

"I know Jazz. You don't know what's going on and you're frantic. I wish it didn't have to come to this. I tried to talk her out of it honest. I did get her to change her plans some though. It was the best I could do." She told me in a soft voice. So atypical for her.

"Ali I need to see her. I have to talk to her. You have to help me. I know I fucked up. I just want to fix it." I pleaded to her.

"Jasper I don't know what to tell you. You messed up, I think you can fix it, but I can't tell you what she told me. She's hurt Jazz, really hurt. You have her questioning things she hasn't thought about since junior year. Hell you have her questioning thing she never even questioned at all. She's not sure you're in love with her anymore. She doesn't even know if you want her still." Alice had tears in her eyes and barely squeaked the last part out.

My heart stopped for the second time that day. I didn't count the beats until it started again, because my whole system shutdown and then it all shattered. All I was left with was a faintly beating heart, that was thundering way to fast to be so weak, and a feeling of despair I'd never felt before.

The next thing I knew I was crying on Alice's little shoulder, begging forgiveness from the wrong woman, looking for help and understanding and comfort from the closest thing to Bella I had access to at the moment. Bella and Alice were more than just friends, more than sisters; they were each other's platonic soul mates. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that the only people loved more by them than each other were me and Edward. And on some days that came in to question. We always joked that we were worried what would happen when kids came in to play. Would there be enough room left in their hearts. I felt a whole new piece of me tear as I thought of Bella and me with children. Unbidden a familiar picture came to mind of a little girl with Bella's chocolate waves and my blue eyes. Bella always said I was off my rocker and we were clearly destined to have a son with my curly blonde hair and her brown eyes. I countered saying as long as we never had a daughter with her dark chocolate eyes, I'd be okay. When asked to explain that one, I always told her, I know clearly the effect those eyes have on the male species, and there was no way I was sending my daughter out armed with those. Someone would have to die. That always made Bella crack up at my chauvinistic attitude and simple absurdity. I never cared about the insults, only that she blushed then laughed the laugh that often times felt like a part of my life source. God I needed her.

I left Alice's somehow feeling better and worse. Alice told me that Bella wasn't that far, and that I would need to be patient. She also said to make sure I was always prepared, and I had a flash back to my ill fated time with the boy scouts. Then my mind went to what that statement meant to me when I was older, and I immediately scolded myself for thinking Alice was telling me to carry a condom. Why the hell would she tell me that? I doubt sex was the answer and even if it was Bella and I hadn't used that form of birth control since she'd graduated college. I cursed myself for being a male and Alice for always having to be so damn vague. But she did say that she had a feeling it would all be ok, if I kept to my plan. I thought that sounded good, if I just knew what the hell my plan was supposed to be. Maybe if I'd had a better plan to begin with she'd still be here. Maybe if I'd let her know all the things I'd just cried out on Alice's shoulder she would have thought twice before leaving.

Be drivin like hell,  
flyin like crazy down the highway,  
callin everyone we know,  
stoppin any place she might be,  
goin anywhere she might go.  
Beatin on the dash,  
screamin out her name at the windshield,  
tears soakin up my face.  
If I'd have loved her this much all along,  
maybe, maybe, yeah maybe, she wouldn't be gone.

I drove like a crazy man towards Port Angeles. Maybe she'd be there. Alice said she was close. I flew towards the only other town Bella and I had ever spent a lot of time together. Once I got to town I just drove for a while passing by and stopping at some of the places we always went. The streets were mostly deserted; it was after eleven on a Thursday. Only a few places in town were even open. I pulled up in front to the bookstore and took a moment to think about all the times Bella and I had spent whole afternoons wandering and reading our way through the store. We used to always split up upon entering and head off on our own quests. A little while later one of us would choose a book and seek out the other in their respective area. Mine was the History section and hers was the Classics. We'd spend a little while in that section with the one reading the book they'd brought and the other just perusing their section. Then we'd switch places and spend time in the other's section. We'd always end by picking a random area and hanging there picking up new books we'd probably never have heard of otherwise. Then we'd head out and go the movies or the music store. Another shared passion of ours. I always attempted to buy Bella a meal while we were out on these dates, because I felt like such a loser boyfriend sometimes. My Bella just never wanted to go on the expensive 'real' dates that other girls seemed to enjoy so much. I won the feeding her battle about two thirds of the time. This was a pretty big win considering she offered me gas money for the first two months of our relationship. Crazy girl.

I looked across the street from the bookstore and saw the jewelry store. The one I'd bought every piece of jewelry I'd ever given Bella, save one and I doubt a slap bracelet really counts. Although maybe it does because it's still in her jewelry box. She stuck her tongue out at me when I made fun of her for keeping it still, but secretly I was thrilled when she told me there was no way she was getting rid of not only the first piece of jewelry I'd given her, but also the only one she was okay with me spending the money on. I just rolled my eyes and scoffed at her. The girl was just absurd sometimes and I knew that every piece I'd given her was special. Especially the first piece of _real jewelry _I'd ever given her. Man she made that difficult for me too.

It was another one of our Port Angeles date days and I had spent all of our time at the book store trying to think of a way to get Bella into the jewelry store without making her suspicious. I'd finally come up with saying I needed help picking out a present for my mom's birthday. In all honesty her birthday wasn't until October which was four months away, but our sixth month anniversary was in two weeks, so I figured I could keep that a secret until then. I really wanted to get her something special, but Bella was so difficult when it came to gifts of any kind, I'd decided if I was going to get chewed out, which I knew I was, then it better be for something she liked at least. We browsed for a bit, the little old man behind the counter seemed to realize my ruse almost immediately, but he played it cool. Except for the smirks he kept sending me. We'd finally settled on a pair of pearl earrings for my mom, because Bella rationalized pearls just seemed like a mom thing. When I asked if she was going to wear pearls when she was a mom she'd quickly told me hell no, pearls seemed old fashioned. We both got a good laugh out of that one.

So the trip was a bust on the mom front, which wasn't a problem, but worked perfectly on the Bella front. There was only one thing I'd seen her look at more than once the whole time were there, and when I went back the next day, the old man behind the counter had noticed the same thing. So on our six month anniversary sitting watching the sunset, while Bella wore a red wild flower behind her ear, a recreation of our first date as per Bella's request. I grabbed her hand and kissed it, then I told her to close her eyes, and I pulled the white gold charm bracelet out of my shirt pocket and clasped it on her wrist. She popped her eyes open the minute she felt the cool metal brush her skin. She smiled her dazzle Jasper smile for a brief moment and I saw the flash of happy surprise in her eyes before she caught herself and narrowed her eyes at me. I put my finger to her lips and smiled at her. I fingered the two charms hanging on it with my other hand and said "Bella at least let me finish giving you the gift before you complain. Please?"

She gave me a nod and I breathed a sigh of relief. I then pointed to the smooth polished rock and said "this stone is called Jasper." She smirked at me then smiled. Then I held up the other charm and said "I think you can figure this one out." It was white gold and said My Girl, there was a tiny diamond chip topping the 'I' in girl. I got a real smile from her when she got the meaning of the present. She pressed her lips to mine and I found my heaven once again. Then she pulled back scowled and me and said "You're still in trouble, but I love it and I'll wear it always."

My heart soared and I smiled until it hurt as I pulled her in for a real kiss. She's worn that bracelet every day since, even when she had to fight Alice over wearing it to her wedding. It's been added to over the years. Not on every occasion though. I like to keep her guessing when a new charm is going to pop up. There's a red flower, a sun that I bought to remind her of her other home and our trips to watch the sunset. There's a cowboy boot, a swan, a sapphire because it's her birthstone, but she says it's to remind her of my eyes. There's one in the shape of Florida to commemorate the first vacation we ever took together. It was during winter break our senior year and we'd been dating a year. Bella took me there to meet her mom. It was a big deal for us for a lot of reasons.

There's a cupcake, because I bring one to Bella every year on her birthday for breakfast. It started as a joke the first year, because Bella had asked us all not to go overboard eighteenth birthday or not. So I decided to take her a cupcake that morning and even though she laughed and huffed about it, we both enjoyed the time just us and a little cupcake with one candle blow out. After that it became a tradition, one of my favorites. There's a chocolate chip cookie, because that's the first thing Bella ever made for me, and she makes them best. I didn't even have to lie when I told her they were better than my mom's. Now they're something she makes as a way to say I love you. I never ask for them I just wait until she bakes me a batch. She doesn't make them for anyone else anymore.

There's even one for our first big fight. It was over that bitch Lauren Mallory. I ain't gonna lie I'd slept with her a couple times, during the summer after sophomore year. But she knew the score. It was purely physical. I might have been playing the field, but everyone knew the rules of the game. She had taken an instant dislike to Bella and had tried to stir trouble up for us from the beginning. She finally got her wish so to speak about a month after our sixth month anniversary. We were at a party at Edward's house. He's parents had a freaking mansion and Alice took over and planned a huge bash when his parents went to visit family up in Alaska. So anyway, Lauren had been in my face all damn day, and it seemed like every time she was, Bella walked by. I was going insane, between my girlfriend who was getting more and more agitated and for whatever reason directing her anger towards me! And the annoying, whiny cheerleading bitch, I was at my wits end. I'd never wanted to smack a woman so bad in my life, until later that night.

I'd been drinking non-stop since Bella and I walked through the door, a very bad move for so many reasons. Not the least of which was the fact it was pissing my girlfriend off even more. But I'd finally started to feel real good, and loosened Bella up enough to start having a good time together. She went off with Alice and Rose, and I crashed out on a chair in the corner. I was sitting there when I saw my girl start walking back towards me, she had a sexy smile on and I tilted my head back willing away a little bit of the drunk I had going on, because there was a bed upstairs with our names on it. A minute later I felt her straddle me and I being the gentleman that I am, reached up and set my hand firmly on her hips. The minute I did, my head snapped up, those weren't my Bella's hips. As my face came up Lauren's came down and she kissed me. I pushed her off with a force that man should never really use with a lady, but the damage was done. It seemed like not only Bella but the entire Forks high school population was watching. Bella had tears in her eyes and flew up the stairs, an amazing feat for a drunk, extra clumsy girl.

Rosalie and Alice were on Lauren before I could even blink. In that same time I was up and on my way to Bella. I finally found her on the balcony off the guest room with the bed with our names on it. Oh the irony. She was crying and even though it wasn't my fault I kind of wanted to die. She yelled and slapped my chest and told me if I wanted that whore I could just have her. I was letting her vent at first I understood she was upset and had been hurt and embarrassed. I knew my past trysts didn't always make being my girlfriend an easy task, but she stuck with me anyway. But then she took of her charm bracelet and threw it at me. That's when I lost it and yelled at her for throwing us away, and not trusting me and only seeing it the way she wanted to twist it. I accused her of holding my past against me. We both said some hurtful things and ended up crying ourselves to sleep wrapped up in each other on the balcony. We never did make it to that bed. The next morning with clearer, yet pounding heads we apologized. Bella's bracelet was back on although neither of us could remember who put it back on. Didn't matter, we'd both decided that little piece of jewelry was never to be brought into battle again. And it hasn't.

When we made it downstairs everyone was looking at us like we were a live bomb with 10 seconds left on the timer. When they saw our linked hands they all breathed a sigh of relief. Of course Alice claimed she knew it would be fine, but we all rolled our eyes because this time we'd all seen the fear in the pixie's eyes. Emmett proceeded to tell me and Bella that he'd seen the whole thing go down like a train wreck he couldn't stop. We both said it was over, but he just had to tell the tale to ease Bella's mind. She didn't need it though. In fact hearing about it just pissed her off again. Emmett and I had a nice little 'wrestling match' after that. Of course once he decided that he should also mention that everyone was talking about it and that by now the story had probably reached epic proportions, I was wishing for a gun. Rose's slap to the back of his head made me feel slightly better.  
I swear I love the guy, but sometimes he just doesn't think.

Bella never cared to much about what other people said about her, but I knew this was a sensitive subject for her, so even though I really didn't do anything wrong, I felt like I had to do something. We were out of school for summer, so I couldn't do anything at school. Instead I spent all of Saturday hitting all the hot spots in Forks and Port Angeles wearing a t-shirt that boldly proclaimed me as property of Bella. It also said I love her. Cheesy, yeah. But it made her smile and laugh. Two of the most important things in my world. So now there's a little t-shirt charm that hangs proudly next to the Jasper stone. Everything Jasper and Bella is represented there. A book for Bella's career and beer bottle for mine. Nobody else has ever bought a charm for that bracelet. It's like an unspoken rule that everyone got without a memo going out. As I thought about the bracelet Alice's advice came back to me about my plan and being prepared. I thought I'd figured something about it out. I knew I'd be heading to the jewelry store in the morning. I needed a new charm. Maybe if I'd have thought of all the things the bracelet represented more often and reminded her too. Maybe if I'd tried harder to make more memories worthy of a charm. Maybe then she'd be at home in bed right now. Maybe it would have been the thing to tip the scales to say stay.

I wouldn't be beatin on the dash,  
screamin out her name at the windshield,  
tears soakin up my face.  
If I'd have loved her this much all along,  
maybe, maybe, yeah maybe,  
she wouldn't be gone.

I pulled in to the parking lot of the last place I knew to look for her. My bar was practically as much hers as it was mine or Em's. She's put almost as much blood, sweat and tears in to it. It was sadly also one of the only places we seemed to spend time together outside of home anymore. I should have fixed that. I would as soon as she gave me the chance. Sitting there thinking of all my mistakes again I lost the little bit of optimism that I'd gained at the jewelry store. I needed to hear her voice. I didn't think she'd answer, but I called her cell anyway. I prayed to God she hadn't erased her I love you. If she had I don't know if I would have made it. On pins and needles I waited as it rang once and went straight to voicemail. My I love you was still there. I didn't feel the lump in my throat until the beep to leave a message sounded and the only thing I could do was breathe out "Bella" on a sob. I was a broken man. With another sob I threw my phone against the dash. I screamed at the windshield, at the world, at Bella, at myself. I didn't even feel the tear drops pouring down my face until I laid my head against my hands on the steering wheel. I wiped my face and lowered it to the wheel again trying to calm myself. As I stared down at the nothingness below me something caught my eye, the picture I kept tucked in near the gas gauge. It was of Bella and me the day I'd brought the new truck home. My dream truck and our first major purchase together. That's right my girl helped me buy my truck and then a few months later I helped her pay off her one student loan, early. We had taken the truck over to Rose and Jacob's shop to show it off. Alice had met us there of course. Lord forbid the pixie, miss out on anything. As soon as we'd got out of the cab she'd ordered us to lean back against it and take a picture. So we did. I leaned back on the chrome grill and pulled Bella back against my chest. I leaned my head down so it could rest on her shoulder and we both automatically tilted our heads towards each other. We both had the happiest faces and biggest smiles. Of course it's our little secret that some of the glow we have going on is of the post coital variety. We'd christened the truck on the way over. That would also explain Bella's blush. It was one of my favorite pictures of us. I felt the tears start again and before they could get out of control I made my way towards the back door. It was after one am and since we closed at midnight, I knew everyone was probably gone. Not that it mattered; if anyone was there I'd go straight to my office until they were gone. I was in no mood for company and I already knew Bella wasn't here. Her truck was absent and besides I didn't feel her there. For once today someone was on my side and the place was empty. I grabbed a bottle of double barrel whiskey after a swig or two I needed some noise the silence was crushing me. I went over and picked a song that I'd already been playing out in real life almost all day. How appropriate. "Maybe she wouldn't be gone" by Blake Shelton.

As the music started I thought over all the maybes I'd had running through my head all night. I don't know when the tears started again but I let the whiskey and the music wash them away. Maybe if I'd heard this song and learned its lesson sooner. Maybe she wouldn't be gone.

Red roadside wild flower,  
if I'd only picked you,  
took you home and set you on the counter,  
oh at least a time or two,  
maybe she'd have thought it through.

I woke up in my office with a hangover and eyes red rimmed and scratchy for more reasons than one. I looked at the stuff lying on the floor near the couch where I laid. The picture from my truck, the red flower a little wilted but surprisingly hardy looking still, neither of which I remembered bringing in last night, the whiskey bottle and three beer bottles and a small box. Huh, quite a little collection. I stared at my treasures and my plan came to me. I didn't know if it was perfect but it was me. It was me and Bella. At least I hoped it was. With that I got up, made my way to the washroom, slapped some water on my face, brushed with the toothbrush I keep handy and rinsed out a beer bottle. I filled it with water and carried it back in to the office. I placed my battered little red flower in it hoping that some TLC would perk it back up. Then I grabbed it and the other things I needed from my office and headed out to my truck. After a quick trip to the jewelry store and home to shower and eat I was going to find my girl. I was going to make it better and was damn sure going to make sure she was never really and truly gone.

So that's my first try at a story. Let me know what you think. Should I continue? Do you want to know if Jasper ever finds her? Or should I just leave it like this? Thanks for reading.


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